Your Parenting Matters

I sometimes am struck by how much attention a young child ’seems’ to need. I say seems because many parents don’t realize that children as young as 2 can be trained to entertain themselves without constantly needing attention or having to interrupt adult conversations.

Certainly it’s important to be interested in and acknowledge your children when they have learned a new skill or want to show you something they find interesting and exciting. But, is it really necessary to stop what you are doing, get up and look at how Johnny pushed his car or look at every new color Larry picked while coloring?

Can you relate to this?
Have you ever been talking to a friend on the phone and hear her respond to some need or question from her child every 30 seconds! Isn’t that annoying?

Or have you had a time where you met with another mom for coffee and the children interrupted your conversation so many times that you just wanted to forget it and go home?

These scenarios are all too common and they are due to a lack of training on the part of the parent. Children have to be taught what is acceptable behavior. Constant attention is annoying and it does not allow your child to learn how to entertain herself for short periods of time. What is annoying in a small child becomes irritating and even anger producing in older children.

My daughter is learning T’ai Chi at a local park. The teacher has been generous by letting her bring her 2 1/2 year old son. Before they go, she tells him to select some toys he wants to take and she tells him she will be busy and he will need to play by himself.

The first time he came it took 10 minutes or so for him to stop asking for her to play with him or look at something. She would remind him once and then ignore his requests until finally he understand that she wasn’t going to interact with him, so he went to play with the toys he brought. The second time he was able to play and only came to his mom a couple of times. The third time he was able to play happily for the entire hour without bugging mom.

Now, she was smart by bringing snacks and some toys that he had not played with for a long time so they were “new”. But she was training him that he needed to leave her alone while she practiced. This little guy is learning a wonderful skill that will be very beneficial to him as he gets older. He will also be a child that other adults and teachers will be pleased to be around.

The ability to entertain himself, to have patience and to understand that mom needs her time as well. Now this training is supported at home as well. When mom is on the phone she does not interact with him. He has learned that when mom is on the phone she is busy.

There are many opportunities to train you child from the time she is very young to be able to play alone starting with short periods of time extending that time as she gets older. There is no reason why children cannot learn to be self contained. It is within their ability to learn these skills. What is required is training and that has to come from mom and dad.