Your Parenting Matters

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Many parents, often those ‘30 something’  parents, feel they must explain and lecture their children about why they should not misbehave. Rather than take a specific action or allow a consequence to occur parents will let the misbehavior continue and think a verbal reprimand is dealing with the behavior they want to stop.

We call this “shooing flies”. It does not end the behavior. It is much like waving you arm around to get the flies out of your face but they quickly return. In this case action is required.

For children to understand and change their behavior their must be a consequence. Too much talking and explaining results in ‘parent deafness’. You have probably seen the effects of parenting deafness on children who have a glazed look on their faces as they only appear to be listening to what you are saying.

Some consequences are natural. If you and your 10 year old son have an agreement that homework is done before playing games on the computer, if no homework gets done, then there is no computer time that day.

Some consequences are logical. If your toddler has a tantrum because you are ready to leave the park, you must pick her up and leave quickly with no discussion while remaining friendly. The message is loud and clear. This kind of behavior is not going to be tolerated.

If you find yourself continuously saying the same thing over and over or reminding a child of something over and over, most likely you are guilty of shooing flies.

Taking the time to apply a logical consequence or allow a natural consequence can make all the difference in ending annoying misbehavior that never gets resolved. The STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) approach to parenting teaches the principles of democratic parenting that encourages good behavior without  using a punishment and reward system of discipline. I highly recommend it.