Your Parenting Matters

Well the good news here is that daddy is an important person in your son’s life and that let’s us know that he is an involved father. it means your son is attached to him too and it is good to know that both of you are the “apple of his eye”.

Young children often go through periods where they are wary of strangers or have a preference for one parent over the other. This is normal and not of particular concern if he is generally curious and able to tolerate new people and new situations without too much upset.

However, it can be a bit frustrating to have a scene everyday when dad goes off to work. The first thing to check out is if dad’s attention in the morning is too engaging. In other words, does Dad do so much entertaining that your son is reacting to the loss of being the center of attention. If that is the case, perhaps Dad can temper his face to face presence a bit so that your son can still enjoy dad but not react so strongly if he is other wise engaged.

Also, how much does your son see his dad? Is it only in the morning? Does dad come home after your son is already in bed? Maybe some of his distress is real if he generally only sees daddy once a day.

The other suggestion is to make the transition of Dad going to work a bit longer. Let Dad say goodbye, not walk out the door immediately but wait until your son is distracted with some other activity or toy. Then he can make his exit and by the time your son realizes he is gone he most likely will not be upset because he didn’t actually see him leave.

It is also a good idea to take turns leaving your son with each other for short periods so he learns that even though mom and dad go away they will come back. Your son will most likely change as he matures and has a better understanding of when people he cares about leave they don’t disappear. He will have more tolerance for their exits as he gets older.

We, all know that young children can be pretty messy at mealtimes. But, by the time they are 4 years old, I think it is reasonable expect her to stay at the table, use forks and spoons and be aware of where her food goes!

I think these days, mealtimes are perhaps a little too casual. Many families rarely have a meal together.

So, start by making mealtimes more participatory by Involving her in setting the table, bringing food to the table and actually serving herself. These are all good ways to make her more aware of being appropriate at mealtime. Cleaning up after herself if she spills something or drops food on the floor can also help her realize that it is less work to be more careful where you put your food!

Occasionally set the table with flowers or candles. Or have a Mexican or Italian theme. Make eating at the table more interesting with conversation about each person’s day.

Minimize distractions too. Don’t have the TV on. Don’t have snacks available at the table when she is watching TV so that she has to get up and go have some of the snack and then return to her TV watching. That emphasizes getting up from the table when you are eating. Make clear distinctions that when you are eating your sit at the table and eat. When you are playing or watching TV that is what you are doing.

Next, decide what is really important to you and what you will tolerate. Decide what you will and will not do. If you choose to make a rule about being at the table until you are finished, then let her know that when it is not mealtime and what you will do if she gets down from the table before she is finished or before she asks to be excused. And, follow through. Reminding her of the rule over and over is not as effective as following through with what you said you would do without talking or giving an explanation.

Occasionally, take her to a restaurant that is not a fast food place. One where you have to order, wait for your food and eat at the table without getting up. It doesn’t have to be an expensive restaurant just one where kids are not running around and everything doesn’t happen immediately. This is good training for being patient and learning how to behave and be polite.

One of the best ways to tackle eating hassles or other issues that come up is to start using family meetings. Even young children can participate in working together to solve problems. Everyone takes a turn at being the chairperson. Start the meetings with each member of the family giving a compliment to each person or state something they are grateful for. Then have an agenda of things to discuss and solve. You might present this eating issue as a problem for you because you have to clean up the floor and the constant up and down bothers your dinner and ask her and the other children what they would suggest.

What happens when family meetings are held regularly, is that children feel important, there is less fighting and problems get resolved. Make sure the meeting ends on a fun note with pizza and a movie or some other activity that includes everyone.

Good luck and remember, this too shall pass!

Well the good news here is that daddy is an important person in your son’s life and that let’s us know that he is an involved father. it means your son is attached to him too and it is good to know that both of you are the “apple of his eye”.

Young children often go through periods where they are wary of strangers or have a preference for one parent over the other. This is normal and not of particular concern if he is generally curious and able to tolerate new people and new situations without too much upset.

However, it can be a bit frustrating to have a scene everyday when dad goes off to work. The first thing to check out is if dad’s attention in the morning is too engaging. In other words, does Dad do so much entertaining that your son is reacting to the loss of being the center of attention. If that is the case, perhaps Dad can temper his face to face presence a bit so that your son can still enjoy dad but not react so strongly if he is other wise engaged.

Also, how much does your son see his dad? Is it only in the morning? Does dad come home after your son is already in bed? Maybe some of his distress is real if he generally only sees daddy once a day.

The other suggestion is to make the transition of Dad going to work a bit longer. Let Dad say goodbye, not walk out the door immediately but wait until your son is distracted with some other activity or toy. Then he can make his exit and by the time your son realizes he is gone he most likely will not be upset because he didn’t actually see him leave.

It is also a good idea to take turns leaving your son with each other for short periods so he learns that even though mom and dad go away they will come back. Your son will most likely change as he matures and has a better understanding of when people he cares about leave they don’t disappear. He will have more tolerance for their exits as he gets older.

We, all know that young children can be pretty messy at mealtimes. But, by the time they are 4 years old, I think it is reasonable expect her to stay at the table, use forks and spoons and be aware of where her food goes!

I think these days, mealtimes are perhaps a little too casual. Many families rarely have a meal together.

So, start by making mealtimes more participatory by Involving her in setting the table, bringing food to the table and actually serving herself. These are all good ways to make her more aware of being appropriate at mealtime. Cleaning up after herself if she spills something or drops food on the floor can also help her realize that it is less work to be more careful where you put your food!

Occasionally set the table with flowers or candles. Or have a Mexican or Italian theme. Make eating at the table more interesting with conversation about each person’s day.

Minimize distractions too. Don’t have the TV on. Don’t have snacks available at the table when she is watching TV so that she has to get up and go have some of the snack and then return to her TV watching. That emphasizes getting up from the table when you are eating. Make clear distinctions that when you are eating your sit at the table and eat. When you are playing or watching TV that is what you are doing.

Next, decide what is really important to you and what you will tolerate. Decide what you will and will not do. If you choose to make a rule about being at the table until you are finished, then let her know that when it is not mealtime and what you will do if she gets down from the table before she is finished or before she asks to be excused. And, follow through. Reminding her of the rule over and over is not as effective as following through with what you said you would do without talking or giving an explanation.

Occasionally, take her to a restaurant that is not a fast food place. One where you have to order, wait for your food and eat at the table without getting up. It doesn’t have to be an expensive restaurant just one where kids are not running around and everything doesn’t happen immediately. This is good training for being patient and learning how to behave and be polite.

One of the best ways to tackle eating hassles or other issues that come up is to start using family meetings. Even young children can participate in working together to solve problems. Everyone takes a turn at being the chairperson. Start the meetings with each member of the family giving a compliment to each person or state something they are grateful for. Then have an agenda of things to discuss and solve. You might present this eating issue as a problem for you because you have to clean up the floor and the constant up and down bothers your dinner and ask her and the other children what they would suggest.

What happens when family meetings are held regularly, is that children feel important, there is less fighting and problems get resolved. Make sure the meeting ends on a fun note with pizza and a movie or some other activity that includes everyone.

Good luck and remember, this too shall pass!