Your Parenting Matters

Most of the children in the U.S. will be starting school in the next few weeks. Getting ready to go back to school was always a fun time for me. I remember the trip to the store to pick out all the new things I would need for the new school year. It was the one shopping trip that my mother had no restrictions on. I never had to feel guilty buying school supplies. I remember the feel of the new blue notebook, new pens and paper. I enjoyed carefully unpacking what I bought at home and putting everything together for the first day of school.

Whatever the age of your children, starting school can be emotional for all concerned. New beginnings can mean a fresh start, a chance to do things differently or bring up concerns about how school use to be. The beginning of a new school year can be exciting and anxiety producing.

Keeping a few things in mind can help you and your child enter school for the first time or make the transition from grade school to middle school or to high school with a minimum of trauma.

Kindergarten
This is usually a big transition for parents and for the child. It is really a right of passage. Going to school for real. Up until now nursery school and pre-school have been optional. Unless you choose to home-school your child,  kindergarten is the first mandatory school experience. It is natural for everyone to be a bit apprehensive. Mom and dad are concerned with the ‘right’ teacher, and the stress of making arrangements for getting Johnny to school and daycare afterward. They may feel a bit sad that their ‘baby’ is now old enough to leave home for part of the day.

Johnny may excited and/or be concerned with feelings of insecurity that manifest as being more needy than usual or even by misbehavior. This is a great time to have some family meetings about how starting school is affecting everyone and brainstorm ideas on how to make things go more smoothly. Make sure you tell Johnny anything you can about when he will go to school, how long he will be there, who will drop him off and pick him up. Giving him information about the day will help him understand what he might expect and feel more confident. Be sensitive to his concerns without putting too much emphasis on them.

Middle School
If you have a child that loves school and does well, most likely he or she will be happy to be starting school again. While summer is fun, usually by now kids are getting a bit bored and looking forward to the new year starting.

If you have a child that has some problems with the academics of school, this can be a time for new beginnings. You may consider a tutor, or testing to help Susan get off to a better start.
Sometimes you can find out what is making kids anxious by just talking about the new school or how they see their day. I remember my daughter being concerned that she would not be able to get to her locker and her first class without getting lost when she went to junior high. Some talk and reassurance can go a long way in relieving anxiety.
If you are a parent who has more attention on getting homework done than your child, you might consider giving up the job of ‘homework police’. All parents want their children to do well in school but can end up over involved in work that belongs to the child. This could be the year that you let your child be responsible for their schoolwork. Sometimes, parents need a little help letting go of this and could use some parent training in this area.

High School
Teenagers at school. If you have not already made school your child’s job this may be the time to start. You have probably already discovered that you cannot MAKE your teen do anything. You have to find ways to influence his cooperation and let him be accountable for his schoolwork. This is a good time to have a family meeting to discuss what the expectations are for driving, curfew, parties and working part time. You may want to sit down as a family to discuss the pros and cons and expectations so there is consensus among you and to address differences before problems arise.  A teen’s primary focus should be on schoolwork and discussing what is acceptable is important.

With a bit of planning and forethought, many of the concerns that arise with school can be addressed and easily resolved. Sometimes more effective parenting skills are required and can really help with things that arise as children go back to school. It is important to recognize that sometimes both parents and children can have issues that need attention so going back to school is a positive experience for everyone.